An Interview with the BFC Chairwoman


Blackpool Football Club has been in a right old mess for some years now, and last year owner Owen Oyston appointed his daughter as chairwoman. We managed to get an exclusive telephone interview with her:

[telephone interview begins]

NC: Hello?

CN: Hello this is Cleveleys News. Is that Natalie?

NC: Certainly not your honour, I never even met the girl.

CN: Sorry, which girl is that? Am I speaking to Natalie?

NC: Yes, yes of course. Sorry I got confused there for a moment.

CN: Your voice sounds very gruff.

NC: Sorry about that, my big floppy hat fell over the mouthpiece and muffled my voice. Is that better now?

CN: Not really. Did you say “big floppy hat”?

NC: Yes.

CN: Is this Owen?

NC: [coughs] No.

CN: Okay. Well Natalie you’ve been chairwoman of Blackpool FC for a while now. How do you feel about the club’s performance?

NC: I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved here. When I bought the club in 1988 for a pound it was on the brink of collapse. Look at it now.

CN: Hang on - you were three years old in 1988. Surely you mean when your dad bought it?

NC: That’s what I said. When my dad bought it.

CN: Owen?

NC: Yes?

CN: So this IS Owen?

NC: No, this is Natalie. I thought you were asking if Owen was my dad.

CN: Okay… but how can you say everything is fine? Don’t you think the club is in a bit of a scrape right now?

NC: In a bit of a what?

CN: A scrape.

NC: Certainly not your honour, I never even met the girl.

CN: No, I said a scrape - a challenging or problematic situation. In a predicament.

NC: Oh I see. Sorry I was confused again for a moment.

CN: Are you sure this isn’t Owen?

NC: There’s nothing owing at all. Valeri is perfectly happy with our arrangement and nothing is up for sale. Everything is fine.

CN: So you think the team is in good shape?

NC: In good what?

CN: Shape.

NC: Certainly not your honour, I never even met the girl.

CN: This is Owen, isn’t it?

NC: Sorry I got confused again for a moment. Wait on the line, I’ll put Terry on.

CN: Terry?

TM: Hello? Yes this is Terry.

CN: Well we were hoping to speak to Natalie but something strange was going on.

TM: There’s nothing strange going on here. Everything is fine, the club and team are doing well.

CN: Sorry but I don't believe you. I think this is still Owen trying to ape other people.

TM: Trying to what other people?

CN: Ape!

TM: Certainly not your honour, I never even met the girl.

[end of phone call]

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lord of the Chance

Image
Blackpool's amateur publication The​ Evening Gazette caught our attention today with a lengthy and detailed article about a thuggish attack in Blackpool. But this wasn't just your typical Blackpool brawl - incredibly the victim was a peer of the realm! From The Gazette 'Lord' Perry Harber, who "has a vast portfolio of nightclubs and bars and regularly holidays in Monaco" according to the Gazette article, claims he was hit over the head from behind with a full bottle of vodka by a gang in an alleyway behind Dickson Road, Blackpool on January 1st this year. The Gazette go on to list just some of Lord Perry Harber's amazing credentials and achievements. As Lord of the Manor of Glascombe, Harber "presides over almost 15,000 acres of land". He "has invested in a number of businesses in Lytham" and is a "businessman and charity fundraiser". Not to mention his incredible ability to identify the precise contents and volu
Read more

The Doctor Will Review You Now...

Image
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. So says an old proverb. Well, local amateur publication The Gazette have certainly been fooled at least twice by charlatans that we at Cleveleys News immediately recognised and exposed. So shame on them. There was Barry Carr from Rossall Gate, Fleetwood, a member of the BNP dubbed “neighbour from hell” after he repeatedly harangued, harassed and fat-shamed the lady next-door. It made national news when Carr was given a ten week jail term suspended for a year and ordered to pay his victims £200 each in compensation. Gazette were also all over the story, but what they didn’t mention in their coverage was that they had been publishing Carr’s intolerant rants on their letters page for years. Former BNP candidate and @The_Gazette letters page mainstay Barry Carr has appeal bid rejected and his sentence increased. More pages for them to fill... pic.twitter.com/3aPtV9Ge6y — Cleveleys News (@cleveleysnews) February 6, 2018
Read more

15 things you won't know about Cleveleys unless you follow Cleveleys News

Image
Cleveleys isn't just a retirement town full of old codgers. Occasionally their younger relatives come to visit too. But there is much, much more to the town, so here are 15 things that you won't know about Cleveleys (unless you follow Cleveleys News).... 1. There's always a bargain to be had Cleveleys has more bargain shops than you can poke a walking stick at. It is home to the original B&M Bargains, as well as Home Bargains, Poundland, and a whole raft of similarly named independent shops. If you are looking for somewhere you can buy a loofah, some Wrights coal-tar soap, a pack of Cup-a-Soups with Arabic labelling and a blind bag of Moshi Monsters all under one roof, you've come to the right place. 2. It is the home of Mobility Scooter Jousting The annual sporting event which takes places in Morrisons car park has made celebrities out of local residents such as Colin 'Paladin' Brown and Ethel 'Ivanhoe' Jones. The low-speed but
Read more