An Ode to Paddy and Luke (The Blackpool ComicCON Artists)

There was a time when being a nerd

was something of a dirty word

Reading books and being clever

was not a popular endeavour

But that opinion was soon offset

with the advent of the Internet

These days it’s harder for the ridiculer

as geeks are considered so much cooler

But they need a place they all can meet,

somewhere to go for a nerdy treat

and so was created a brand new invention:

something called a Comic Convention

They happen all over, in towns and in cities

Some of them good, and some of them…. not so good

Then Fylde coast nerds began to drool

at news of a comic con here in Blackpool!

The hype for this event soon began

No one suspected it might be a scam

They promised 'conateers' would have a ball

and that this event would have it all

Meet your favourite sci-fi actor!

There’s a technician from the death star’s reactor

One of the zombies from Dawn of the Dead

The guy who operated Jabba’s head

You can cosplay as your favourite hero

Meet an indie comic writer with a circulation of zero

Buy an overpriced replica jedi lightsabre

made in Taiwan using cheap child labour

All of which, you have to concede

sounds a great day out for a certified dweeb

But they probably wouldn’t have been so overawed

if they’d known it was run by a couple of frauds.

Two total rank amateurs named Luke and Paddy

These guys aren’t heroes, they’re a couple of baddies!

They promised the earth, but couldn’t deliver

and ticket-holders all got sold down the river

Everyone arrived on the day of the con

the first problem was that the queues were too long

Some queued for 5 hours, they started to sweat

especially the ones dressed as Boba Fett

Inside, the staff didn’t know where anything was

and the reason we found out for this was because

they hadn’t been trained! They hadn’t met their employer!

They just got told to stand there in the foyer!

The celebrity guests were just as non-plussed

and some of them kicked up a bit of a fuss

DJ Qualls, who was in Breaking Bad

said he didn’t get paid, and this made him sad

Hugh Quarshie from Star Wars the Phantom Menace

took to Twitter so he could add his two-penneth

People tried to get refunds, but were met with frustration

The ComicCon Co was in liquidation

Paddy and Luke weren’t slightly remorseful

they didn’t think what they’d done was so awful

I think it simply takes the biscuit -

robbing the pockets of poor social misfits!

They didn’t think they were the ones folks should blame

“it’s called comic-CON there’s a clue in the name!”

And so Mr Williams and Mr O’Hare

got away scot-free with their tawdry affair

Where are they now? These two fraudulent crooks?

Will they do it again since they got off the hook?

Paddy O’Hare, the last time I checked

was all over the place, the man is brass-necked

He thinks he’s some kind of blues-rock guitarist

It’s a slight step up from brazen con-artist

 

Luke Williams is slightly harder to find

Perhaps he thinks out of sight, out of mind

But I don’t think they’ll never be free from this debt!

Nerds never surrender, they never forget.