Panic and confusion broke out in Cleveleys yesterday after a partially completed clone of the late TV comedian Les Dawson escaped from a local biotech facility and ran amok in the town.
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| The escaped clone of Les Dawson who ran riot in Cleveleys yesterday |
The clone had been commissioned from Cleveleys based laboratory '
Clone-U-Like' by an independent television production company, and was due to star in it's own TV special later in the year. But after the abomination of nature broke free from the facility and caused widespread chaos in the surrounding area, TV chiefs say the programme may no longer go ahead.
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| The 'Clone-U-Like' biotech facility at the centre of the controversy |
The replica comedian smashed through the growth-tube in which he had spent the last 3 months suspended in synthetic-amniotic fluid and managed to make it past the minimum security to the exit door. From here he ran through the town naked, save for some unbranded running shoes he managed to grab from outside Poundland. Confused onlookers reported his location to the authorities but they were unable to predict his route and failed to catch him. “He wasn't so much running, as
lolloping”, said one eye-witness. “He wasn't behaving like a normal person at all... his arms were flailing, his neck seemed terribly
floppy and he was just
gurning all the time... it was horrific to see. I liked him much better when he was on 'Blankety-Blank'”
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| The partially complete clone allegedly wrecked several shop displays on his rampage |
Commenting on the duplicate's behaviour, Clone-U-Like CEO Sir David Spatchelor explained: “You must understand that this clone wasn't complete. Once physically grown, we have to implant knowledge and memories from the original into their brain. We'd just plugged the clone into the internet so that he could learn everything about the real Les Dawson, but unfortunately all he appears to be remembered for is gurning, and a few mother-in-law jokes, so that's all this clone absorbed. That just isn't enough to function in normal society.” By the end of his rampage, the
deranged doppleganger had smashed up three shops displays, dented several cars, and insulted nine mother-in-laws.
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| The clone reached the outskirts of Cleveleys before disappearing |
It's an all too common scenario. With human cloning becoming more affordable and socially acceptable, independent biotech firms are making their services more accessible. The recently opened 'Clone-U-Like' centre in Cleveleys is just one example of the current trend. “Affordability comes at a cost”, says leading geneticist Franz Fritzella. “You can't make a clone as cheaply as [companies like] Clone-U-Like and not skimp on security”.
But what of the ethical argument against cloning a much-loved TV star? And what of his surviving family – does a human clone not debase his memory? Sir David Spatchelor was unrepentant: “A couple of years ago his family appeared alongside a life-size hologram of Les for a TV show, so if they were happy with a hologram why would they have a problem with a clone? A clone is much better than a hologram, obviously”.
Dawson remains at large.
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